Separating From The Past

An article in PSYCHOLOGY TODAY on Adult Children of Alcoholics states, "Parents inflict so much pain on their families, they teach their children to suppress their emotions just to survive."- Stephanie Brown, founder of the Alcohol Clinic at Stanford Medical Center.

"Since the children are inculcated to deny the reality around them, they develop a resistance to talking about urgent, important, or meaningful aspects of life."

Brown adds that children of alcoholics may suffer depression, anxiety, and compulsions, all related to the grueling experience of growing up in such a home. Dealing with the legacy of disturbance means treating the traumatic stress, she says.

First and foremost, adult children of alcoholics “have issues with control.” That means they are afraid of others and have problems with intimacy; they harbor anxiety that if they lose control, they may become addicts themselves.

The most important emotional leap for such a survivor: Separating the past from the present. They must learn to realize that when they overreact to something now, “they are really feeling pain from the past.” Once they have that skill, they can start to move on.

Brown recommends psychotherapy for adult children of alcoholics, and states that group therapy may work extremely well. “When family distortion is the problem, groups are ideal for bringing that out.” Brown especially recommends seeking support from Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization or Co-Dependents Anonymous, which offer 12-step programs.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/adult-children-of-alcoholics/

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Pain Is God's Megaphone

An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, "Get honest; inquire." We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards, so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling. And that's as it should be, because in our innocence we haven't known how. So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil, write thought down, and investigate.

from http://www.byronkatie.com

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

How Am I Doing?

Like it or not, our parents have an impact on our behavior in ways that we may not even realize. When a parent is an alcoholic, the impact on their children can have consequences that follow them into adulthood. If one or both of your parents had a drinking problem while you were growing up, you are an Adult Child Of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Take this quiz and see just how much their drinking has affected your adult life.

Keep track of the number of questions you answer with a YES, and add up your score before consulting the score sheet below:


1 . Is it difficult for you to identify, understand, or express your feelings?


2 . Do you judge yourself more harshly than you do others?


3 . Do you have an extremely strong sense of responsibility?


4 . Do you feel guilty when you stand up for yourself?


5 . Do you find yourself afraid of or intimidated by people, particularly authority figures?


6 . Is the approval of others often more important to you than your own preferences or beliefs?


7 . Are thrills and excitement a necessary part of your life?


8 . When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?


9 . Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?


10. Do you often find yourself feeling isolated and alone?


11. When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?


12. Can you answer 'yes' to a lot of questions found on an "are you an alcoholic" questionnaire although you never pick up a drink?


13. Are you more concerned for others than for yourself?


14. Do you find yourself constantly trying to rescue others, whether it's a friend, relative or lover?


15. Are you uncomfortable with intimacy and revealing yourself to another person?


16. Do you find yourself hanging onto relationships that aren't healthy?


17. Have you ever confused pity for love?


18. Are you currently involved with an alcoholic?


19 . Are you currently involved with any kind of compulsive personality - such as a workaholic?


20. Have you ever been involved with an alcoholic or a compulsive personality?


21. Do you have a drinking problem?

Add up your score.

0 - 6: You're handling things very well. Just keep an eye on yourself to make sure you don't fall into potential trouble zones. Examine your answers and see if they have a theme. Look at the issues that create the most problems, whether it be in your relationships (questions 13 - 20), or struggling with your own identity (questions 1-12).

7 - 14: Things aren't terrible, but they could be better. No need to settle for "not terrible," however. Make the effort to raise your self-esteem and clear out the obstacles that are getting in the way of fulfilling your dreams.

15 - 21: The past is casting a heavy shadow over you. Sadness, fear, and frustration rear their heads all too often. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug. It's time to face what's going on so that you can turn it around. Get out from under by getting help. It is possible to change old patterns!

Yes to #21: You are following in your parent's footsteps. Don't let your parent's addiction overwhelm your life. Don't give up on yourself. To stop the cycle, seek help now.


By: Mark Sichel

http://www.sideroad.com/Mental_Health/symptoms-adult-child-of-alcholic.html

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

The Kind Of "ACE" You Don't Want To Gamble With!

In 1992 Dr. Vincent Felitti, head of the Department of Preventive Medicine at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego and Dr. Robert Anda, researcher with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, began to collaborate on a large scale study of the incidence and effects of childhood trauma, known as the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.

The ACE Study is a decade-long and ongoing study designed to examine the childhood origins of many of our Nation’s leading health and social problems.

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ACE- Adverse Childhood Experiences

The concept of the ACE Study is that stressful or traumatic childhood experiences increase the risk of cognitive damage, re-victimization, disease and have a negative impact on behavior, health, and even longevity.
Abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence, or growing up with alcohol or other substance abuse, mental illness, parental discord, or crime in the home are common pathways to social, emotional, and cognitive impairments.

We now know from breakthroughs in neurobiology that ACEs disrupt neurodevelopment and can have lasting effects on brain structure and function.

ACEs have a strong influence on:

-adolescent health
-teen pregnancy
-smoking
-alcohol abuse
-illicit drug abuse
-sexual behavior
-mental health
-risk of revictimization
-stability of relationships
-performance in the workforce

ACEs increase the risk of:

-Heart disease
-Chronic Lung disease
-Liver disease
-Suicide
-Injuries
-HIV and STDs
-and other risks for the leading
causes of death

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Implications

The effects of ACEs are long-term, powerful, cumulative, and likely to be invisible to health care
providers, educators, social service organizations, and policy makers because the linkage between
cause and effect is concealed by time. The original traumatic insults may not become manifest until much later in life.

When a child is wounded, the pain and negative long-term effects reverberate, thereby sustaining the cycle of abuse, neglect, violence and substance abuse, and mental illness. For example, ACEs greatly increase the risk of adult alcohol abuse or marriage to an alcoholic, perpetuating the adversities and their consequences. Thus, growing up with alcohol abuse contributes to many of the leading chronic health and social
problems in the United States.

The ACE Study suggests that stressful and traumatic childhood and adolescent experiences
literally become “biology” affecting brain structure and function (as well as endocrine, immune,
and other biologic functions) leading to persistent effects. Until now, these persistent effects
were “hidden” from the view of both neuroscientists and public health researchers.

We found that adults who reported any single category of adverse childhood experience were likely to have suffered multiple other categories during childhood. Children experiencing alcohol abuse in the home should be screened for other types of maltreatment and traumatic stressors—and vice versa!

Many of our nation’s leading health and social problems are directly tied to enduring neurodevelopmental consequences of growing up with alcohol abuse and related adverse experiences during childhood.

http://www.nacoa.net/pdfs/Anda%20NACoA%20Review_web.pdf

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County ACOA Meeting

The Reward Deficiency Syndrome

RDS- The Reward Deficiency Syndrome

Your brain's chemical factory produces serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, GABA, endorphins and many other "feel good" chemicals. These often work together in a domino like system, triggering each other to produce feelings of well being.

When neurotransmitter levels are abnormal or blocked from the brain's receptors, discomfort anxiety and pain are the result. This "reward deficiency" is associated with difficulty focusing, heightened anxiety, hypersensitivity and irritability.

Addicts, their offspring and those with ADHD and ADD may be born with an impairment to feeling good naturally. In 1990, a defect in the D2 (dopamine) receptor gene was found to be associated with alcoholism and ADHD. This lack of dopamine receptors interferes with the "neurochemical reward cascade" of the brain, creating Reward Deficiency Syndrome. RDS may be THE main factor in the cause of alcoholism, addiction and ADHD.

Self medicating helps those with RDS feel "normal". It helps them feel good and function with less anxiety. The medication of choice may be an illicit substance, food or an activity such as gambling, thrill seeking or sexual escapades. Risk taking behaviors as well as alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, marijuana and even carbohydrates cause a release of additional dopamine in the brain and provide temporary relief.

Many people enjoy the positive effects of mood altering substances. But people with ADHD experience an even more intense and powerful payoff. And a higher vulnerability to addiction. Once addicted, abstinence alone usually doesn't work as the symptoms of RDS quickly return.

"The difficulty concentrating, remembering, tolerating noise and managing stress in recovery causes some people to feel they may be going crazy. They are not. It is the return of their ADHD symptoms intensified by the changes in the brain brought about by the use of mood altering substances."- from the book Overload by Blum and Miller

ADHD symptoms and the increase in anxiety due to the changes of recovery and not understanding what is happening increase the chance of relapse. One may require treatment for both addiction and ADHD to lead a successful life in sobriety.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

The ACA Program and How it Works

We find that a difference in identity and purpose distinguishes Adult Children of Alcoholics from other 12-Step Programs and underscores the need for our special focus.

The central problem for ACA's is a mistaken belief, formed in childhood, which affects every part of our lives. As children, we fought to survive the destructive effects of alcoholism, and began an endless struggle to change a troubled, dysfunctional family into a loving, supportive one. We reach adulthood believing we failed, unable to see that no one can stop the traumatic effects of family alcoholism.

Following naturally from this pervasive sense of failure are self-blames, shames and guilt. These self-accusations ultimately lead to self-hate. Accepting our basic powerlessness to control alcoholic behavior, and its effect on the family, is the key that unlocks the inner-child and lets reparenting begin. When the "First Step" is applied to the family alcoholism, a fundamental basis for self-hate no longer exists.

Two characteristics identify the ACA Program. The program is for adults raised in alcoholic homes, and although substance abuse may exist, the focus is on the self, specifically on reaching and freeing the inner-child, hidden behind a protective shield of denial.

The purpose of ACA is three-fold... to shelter and support "newcomers" in confronting "denial"; to comfort those mourning their early loss of security, trust and love; and to teach the skills for re-parenting ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

Moving from isolation is the first step an Adult Child makes in recovering the self. Isolation is both a prison and a sanctuary. Adult Children, suspended between need and fear, unable to choose between fight or flight, agonize in the middle and resolve the tension by explosive bursts of rebellion or silently enduring the despair. Isolation is our retreat from the pain of indecision. This retreat into denial blunts our awareness of the destructive reality of family alcoholism and is the first stage of mourning and grief. It allows us to cope with the loss of love and to survive in the face of neglect and abuse.

The return of feelings is the second stage of mourning and indicates a healing has begun. Initial feelings of anger, guilt, rage and despair resolve into a final acceptance of loss. Genuine grieving for our childhood ends our morbid fascination with the past and lets us return to the present, free to live as adults.

Confronting years of pain and loss at first seems overwhelming. Jim Goodwin, in describing the post-traumatic stress of Vietnam Veterans, writes that some veterans "actually believe that if they once again allow themselves to feel, that they may never stop crying or may completely lose control..."

Sharing the burden of grief that others feel gives us the courage and strength to face our own bereavement. The pain of mourning and grief is balanced by being able, once again, to fully love and care for someone and to freely experience joy in life.

The need to re-parent ourselves comes from our efforts to feel safe as children. The violent nature of alcoholism darkened our emotional world and left us wounded, hurt and unable to feel. This extreme alienation from our own internal direction kept us helplessly dependent on those we mistrusted and feared.

In an unstable, hostile, and often dangerous environment, we attempted to meet the impossible demands of living with family alcoholism and our lives were soon out of control. To make sense of the confusion, and to end our feelings of fear, we denied inconsistencies in what we were taught. We held rigidly to a few certain beliefs, or we rebelled and distrusted all outside interference.

Freedom begins with being open to love. The dilemma of abandonment is a choice between painful intimacy or isolation, but the consequence is the same, we protect ourselves by rejecting the vulnerable inner-child and are forced to live without warmth or love. Without love, intimacy and isolation are equally painful, empty and incomplete.

Love dissolves self-hate. We give ourselves the love we seek and embrace the lonely child inside. With a child's sensitivity we reach out to explore the world again and become aware of the need to love and trust others.

The warm affection we have for each other heals our inner hurt. ACA's loving acceptance and gentle support lessen our feelings of fear. We share our beliefs and distrust without judgment or criticism. We realize the insanity of alcoholism and become willing to replace the confusing beliefs of childhood with the clear, consistent direction of the 12-Steps and Traditions, and to accept the authority of the loving God they reflect.

ACA's relationship to other anonymous programs is shared dependence on the 12-Steps for a spiritual awakening. Each program's focus is different, but the solution remains the same.

In childhood, our identity is formed by the reflection we see in the eyes of the people around us. We fear losing that reflection... thinking the mirror makes us real and we disappear or have no self without it.

The distorted image of family alcoholism is not who we are. And we are not the unreal person trying to mask that distortion. In ACA we do not stop abusing a substance, or losing ourselves in another. We stop believing we have no worth and start to see our true identity, reflected in the eyes of other Adult Children, as the strong survivors and valuable people we actually are.

Marty S., Identity Committee
Identity, Purpose and Relationship Committee: Roger N., Chairman; Marne C., Claudia P. and Marty S., members.


1 The Etiology of Combat-Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, p.16, Goodwin, Jim, Psy D., DISABLED AMERICAN VETERANS, Pub,. Cincinnati.
2 Post traumatic stress is the tension of unresolved grief following the loss of fundamental security.

from: http://www.minnesotarecovery.info/aca/report1.htm

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children