The Codependent Is Addicted- To The Addict

Reprinted from: http://www.actsweb.org/articles/article.php?i=74&d=1&c=4&p=1

Only in recent years has codependency been recognized as the debilitating sickness it can be. At first, it was identified as a problem in alcoholic families. For example, even after alcoholic husbands dried out, twelve months later, many of their families fell apart. When the caretaking wife no longer had a needy spouse, she felt she wasn't loved anymore because she wasn't needed. What she failed to see was that she had been dependent on his dependency. Her need to be needed was enabling her husband to stay sick. In other words, she was codependent.

Codependency, it is now seen, goes far beyond taking care of an alcoholic. It applies to the caretakers of any over-dependent person–such as drug addicts, work addicts, food addicts, spend addicts, TV addicts, sex addicts, religion addicts, sports addicts, money-making addicts, and to anyone addicted to any kind of compulsive behavior. In fact, latest estimates say that up to ninety-eight percent of us are either over-dependent or codependent to one degree or another.

Second, to resolve their problems, codependents need to admit their sickness and stop blaming others for their unhappiness or the difficulties they have.

Blaming others for their problems is denying their own problem, which is at the heart of most unhappiness. Only as we face the truth, as Jesus put it, will we ever find freedom and happiness.

Third, codependents need to stop trying to change others. They have a compulsion to fix anybody but themselves. Trying to change or fix others only leads to frustration and anger for both parties. The only person we can ever fix or change is our self, and as we change, others around us are forced to change—one way or the other.

Fourth, the codependent needs to come to terms with his or her own problem. While an overdependent person is often addicted to some form of compulsive behavior, the codependent is addicted to the addict. In reality, both are overdependent on each other.

Because codependents need to feel needed in order to feel loved, they suffer from love deprivation, usually from childhood, and have confused feeling needed for feeling loved. This is why many codependents have gone into the helping professions.

In order to feel needed, some codependents will go to any length to keep a needy person dependent on them. They can be loyal to the point of being destructive both to themselves and others.

On the surface, codependency can appear to be very loving, kind and Christian. However, at its core it is a confusion of responsibility. The codependent is so busy taking too much responsibility meeting the needs of others, he neglects taking responsibility for meeting his own needs and facing his own problems.

In so doing, he short-circuits the natural consequences of his loved one's destructive behavior.

Codependents need to allow irresponsible people to face the consequences of their actions, and, if necessary, let them hit bottom. Codependents also need to accept responsibility for themselves and work on their own growth and recovery. One effective ways to do this is to join a twelve-step support or similar group. Here, you can learn to feel loved for whom your are and not for what you do for others.

Most of all, codependents need to trust their life to God—a power greater than their own—and daily ask him to face them with the reality of their problem, help them to see the root cause of it, and lead them to the help they need plus the courage to overcome.

God can make a much better job of our life than we can. Why not trust your life to him today?


Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

The Reward Deficiency Syndrome

RDS- The Reward Deficiency Syndrome

Your brain's chemical factory produces serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, GABA, endorphins and many other "feel good" chemicals. These often work together in a domino like system, triggering each other to produce feelings of well being.

When neurotransmitter levels are abnormal or blocked from the brain's receptors, discomfort anxiety and pain are the result. This "reward deficiency" is associated with difficulty focusing, heightened anxiety, hypersensitivity and irritability.

Addicts, their offspring and those with ADHD and ADD may be born with an impairment to feeling good naturally. In 1990, a defect in the D2 (dopamine) receptor gene was found to be associated with alcoholism and ADHD. This lack of dopamine receptors interferes with the "neurochemical reward cascade" of the brain, creating Reward Deficiency Syndrome. RDS may be THE main factor in the cause of alcoholism, addiction and ADHD.

Self medicating helps those with RDS feel "normal". It helps them feel good and function with less anxiety. The medication of choice may be an illicit substance, food or an activity such as gambling, thrill seeking or sexual escapades. Risk taking behaviors as well as alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, marijuana and even carbohydrates cause a release of additional dopamine in the brain and provide temporary relief.

Many people enjoy the positive effects of mood altering substances. But people with ADHD experience an even more intense and powerful payoff. And a higher vulnerability to addiction. Once addicted, abstinence alone usually doesn't work as the symptoms of RDS quickly return.

"The difficulty concentrating, remembering, tolerating noise and managing stress in recovery causes some people to feel they may be going crazy. They are not. It is the return of their ADHD symptoms intensified by the changes in the brain brought about by the use of mood altering substances."- from the book Overload by Blum and Miller

ADHD symptoms and the increase in anxiety due to the changes of recovery and not understanding what is happening increase the chance of relapse. One may require treatment for both addiction and ADHD to lead a successful life in sobriety.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

The ACA ADD Connection

Does growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home contribute to the development of Attention Deficit Disorder?

ADD and ADHD sufferers are often bright, extremely gifted people. They can sometimes appear absent minded, spaced out and disorganized.

Famous Attention Deficit sufferers include:

Albert Einstein
Benjamin Franklin
Thomas Edison
Galileo
Mozart
Wright Brothers
Leonardo da Vinci
Walt Disney
John Lennon
Winston Churchill
Henry Ford
Stephen Hawkings
Jules Verne
Alexander Graham Bell
John F. Kennedy
Louis Pasteur
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Beethoven


But just what is ADD or ADHD?

According to http://www.add-adhd-help-center.com/symptoms_add_adhd.htm, symptoms include:

_ Often fidgeting with hands or feet, or squirming while seated.

_ Having difficulty remaining seated.

_ Being easily distracted by extraneous stimuli.

_ Having difficulty awaiting turn in games or group activities.

_ Often blurting out answers before questions are completed.

_ Having difficulty in following instructions.

_ Having difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities.

_Often shifting from one uncompleted task to another.

*(One of the Common ACA Characteristics is "Having difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.")

_ Having difficulty playing quietly.

_Often talking excessively.

_ Often interrupting or intruding on others.

_ Often not listening to what is being said.

_Often forgetting things necessary for tasks or activities.

_Often engaging in physically dangerous activities without considering possible consequences.

*(Another Common ACA Characteristic is "Locking themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternate behaviors or possible consequences.")



What Causes ADD?

Causes of ADD are thought to include emotional and physical trauma and heredity. People from alcoholic/dysfunctional families may be at risk for all THREE of these factors.


Emotional/Physical Trauma

"Both physical and emotional neglect contribute to ADD. Abuse causes a rush of stress hormones and chemicals that poison a baby's or child's brain. Stress hormones damage the memory centers and chronic stress causes the brain to become hyperalert, leading to severe distractibility and an inability to filter out extraneous stimuli." -"Healing ADD" by Daniel Amen, M.D

"When the noise and chaos in a family reach a certain level, the child is likely to tune it out. They do this by slowing down their brain- the slowed brain is less alert to what is going on. It is slow brainwave rhythms that characterize ADD.

In our clinic, we have seen the same slow brainwave patterns in children who are yelled at constantly and we have also seen this in verbally abused spouses. It is possible to conclude that anyone who lives in chaos and discord could suffer an emotional brain injury and would exhibit many classic ADD-type symptoms." - "Getting Rid Of Ritalin" by Robert Hill, Ph. D. and Eduardo Castro, M.D.

"Our data indicate a constellation of mild dysmorphic features of fetal alcohol syndrome, findings of hyperactivity and persistent school learning difficulties in children with normal intelligence born to heavy drinking mothers. Alcohol exposure in utero (during pregnancy) may be an important, preventable determinant of attention deficit syndromes in childhood." -"Hyperactivity - A.D.D. and Behavior Disorders Linked With Alcohol Exposure" Journal of Pediatarics, 96:978, 1990

"Attention, distraction and impulsive behavior problems were found to occur more often in a study of 475 young school age children whose mothers drank moderate amounts of alcohol during pregnancy." -Neurobehavioral Toxicology and Teratology, 8:717-725, 1986


Heredity

"NIMH investigators found important differences between people who have ADHD and those who don't. In people with ADHD, the brain areas that control attention used less glucose, indicating that they were less active. It appears from this research that a lower level of activity in some parts of the brain may cause inattention.

Other research shows that attention disorders tend to run in families,so there are likely to be genetic influences. Children who have ADHD usually have at least one close relative who also has ADHD. And at least one-third of all fathers who had ADHD in their youth bear children who have ADHD. Even more convincing: the majority of identical twins share the trait." -http://www.add.org/articles/causeadd.html



The Cycle

Alcohol use appears to be part of a vicious cycle- often a factor in both the cause and effect of ADD. Children of alcoholic parents may experience emotional and physical damage that leads to developing ADD. And many of them then grow up to try and control their ADD by self medicating with alcohol.

"Alcohol helped David Miller become more focused and calm, initially correcting low dopamine and GABA neurotransmitter levels, but eventually created more problems than it solved. Mr. Miller provides an excellent description of the heightened anxiety and overstimulation occurring in the newly abstinent alcoholic." -"Overload: Attention Deficit Disorder and the Addictive Brain" by David K. Miller & Kenneth Blum

"Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a childhood mental health disorder that can lead to alcohol and other drug (AOD)-related problems if it persists into adolescence and adulthood. Among adult patients receiving treatment for alcohol and other drug (AOD) abuse, the rate of ADHD has been estimated to be approximately 25 percent (Wilens 1998)." -http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0CXH/is_2_26/ai_95148614

Check out our website at: Orange County Adult Children