Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Are You Listening?

Thanks to Kristy for sharing this:

It is a reminder that if I can step out of my own ego- my need to control, give advice, care take and be more concerned with others rather than myself, I may be able to actually offer great help to another who is in need.

All I have to do is listen and "be there" for them. Let them share their pain with me and appreciate that they feel I am a safe person to be vulnerable with.

Opening one's heart is the opposite of isolation. It is a big step and should be gently nurtured. What may spill out may not be all flowers and cotton candy but should be treated as a precious gift.

"Please Listen"

When I ask to be listened to but am given advice, I have not gotten what I asked.

When I ask to be listened to but am told why I shouldn’t feel the way I do, my feelings are being trampled.

When I ask others to listen to me and they feel they have to do something to solve my problems, they have failed me and reinforced my feelings of inadequacy.

Strange as it may feel……..I just need others to listen.

I can do for myself. I am not helpless but might be discouraged, fearful or faltering. When individuals do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, they contribute to my fear of inadequacy by sending the message that I can’t do it.

But, when others accept the simple fact that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational or uncomfortable, then I can quit trying to convince them and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind my irrational feelings. Once that is clear, the answers will come to me through the process, often without advice. During this process I learn to turn to my higher power, face conflict in a healthy way, and gain confidence in my ability to solve problems


I am asking you to simply listen. I may need to “blow it” while you stand by and watch me. You may have a hard time letting me fall down. I will be grateful to you if you will think long term and teach me how to trust by your own trust in the process.

Instead of attempting a “quick fix,” on me, I ask you to let me know you are there beside me when, and if, I ask you for help. If you just accept me and stand by me, you give me courage and power. If you can tolerate my imperfections and show patience in letting me grow at my own pace, you are being the best type of friend I could ask for. So please, give me the gift of listening.

Here is what Dr. John Townsend says about being an active listener:

Validation Is Important

Active Listening

Patience In Listening

Listening Is Not Agreeing

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

ACA Affirmations

You may be familiar with the "ACA Characteristics". Here is some positive reinforcement in the form of "The ACA Affirmations". It's great to have a goal and some feedback to measure progress.

Check these out and see how far you've already come!

People in authority don’t frighten me anymore

I don’t need the approval of others in order to be ok

I’m not a victim any longer

I take care of my own wants and needs

I don’t need to rescue people anymore

I don’t judge myself harshly when things don’t turn out perfect. I try to learn from my mistakes

I know how to have fun

I’m a normal person

I’m not super responsible or super irresponsible, I’m balanced

I am able to have intimate relationships

I no longer isolate myself from others even when things are not going well

When someone disapproves of me I no longer need to change their mind

Angry people don’t frighten me

I don’t live on the edge taking risks all the time anymore

I stand up for myself rather than giving into the demands of others

I tell others about my feelings

I don’t lock myself into a course of action anymore

I don’t spend time cleaning up problems after others anymore

A big thanks to "R" for sharing this.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children