Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Adult Children and Forgiveness

Adult Children of Alcoholics and those from dysfunctional families often struggle with forgiving the wrongs of the past. I've heard it said that "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of having a better past."

To me this means that although wrongs were done, I no longer seek revenge or hold anger about them. I am free to live without the bondage of past injustices. This frees me to forgive myself and accept forgiveness from others for my wrongdoings.

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend discuss the healing power of Forgiveness

Grace Is the Ultimate Fertilizer

The Nature Of Forgiveness

Empathy is Ultimately about Love and Grace

Q: How do you forgive hurts that are continuously being committed? (2:55)

Q: I am an only child of two alcoholic parents, and I am now fifty-seven. My mother is still alive and continues to be emotionally abusive. Would God want me to forgive and submit to this abuse, or is it ok to cut her out of my life?

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Denial Is A Good Thing!

"The first step toward acceptance is denial."


Had to reread this a couple of times before it made sense. I had always relegated denial to a negative, useless place where people hid from the truth. I thought insulating with denial was a backwards move. It was my enemy.

The rest of this quote helped me understand:

"The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through."

In this way, denial serves a very valuable purpose. It is a stepping stone to reality. I had never thought of it that way.

So instead of judging denial as being a bad thing, I have decided to try and see it as a necessary part of the process. Instead of the problem it is part of the solution.

Judging things never seems to get me anywhere anyway so here is one more thing I hope to let go!


Quote from "Letting Go" by Melody Beattie

Jef Gazely on Codependence & How to Develop Healthy Relationships

Jef Gazely- Dysfunctional Families and the Shame Cycle

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children