Relapse?

http://adultchildren.org/lit/Comline_sample.pdf

In ACA, we have stories of relapse and the importance of getting back to the program if relapse occurs. An ACA relapse always features a reenact-ment of our role while growing up in a dysfunctional family. We recreate the same fear, self-hate, and abandonment of our childhood. A relapse can take many forms, but all ACA relapses have this central feature.

An ACA relapse can bring a return of self-harming behavior. The behavior can include emotional eating, drug use, compulsive sexual relationships, or other harmful behaviors. We can become an aggressive authority figure and emotional persecutor while in relapse. The critical inner parent can return. We may also find ourselves in a controlling relationship without baseline honesty or trust. We can feel used.

Relapse in this program can be subtle, gradual, and insidious. While there are different forms of relapse, the setback has the common characteristics of willful control, manipulation, dishonesty, and turning away from a Higher Power. Sometimes a single act can be considered a relapse. At other times we consider ourselves in relapse when we have engaged in an unhealthy behavior for many months with no honest effort to change our behavior.

Some warning signs of relapse can include: not talking about things that upset us; keeping secrets; failing to get a sponsor; attending meetings but failing to work the ACA Twelve Steps; working only the Steps of another Twelve Step program while attending ACA; withdrawing from the fellowship and isolating; replacing our old addiction with another equally destructive one; skipping meetings or quitting meetings; seducing a newcomer; substituting another Twelve Step group or enlightenment group for this one; or pronouncing ourselves cured.

By pronouncing ourselves cured, we wrongly conclude that ACA is a limited program that addresses only certain areas of our lives such as abuse. In reality, ACA is a way of life that can improve every aspect of our lives. We can rely upon ACA to fulfill us emotionally and spiritually if we work the program. By facing our pain and fears, we experience a spiritual awakening that transforms us. We continue to attend meetings year after year so that we can grow spiritually and pass on what was given to us. The reward is emotional sobriety and a personality change that moves us away from being a fear-based person to God-centered person. With our personality change, we claim our true identity.


Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Ritalin Use Doubles After Divorce

http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSN0448006120070604

June 4, 2007

By Scott Anderson

TORONTO (Reuters) - Children from broken marriages are twice as likely to be prescribed attention-deficit drugs as children whose parents stay together, a Canadian researcher said on Monday, and she said the reasons should be investigated.

More than 6 percent of 633 children from divorced families were prescribed Ritalin, compared with 3.3 percent of children whose parents stayed together, University of Alberta professor Lisa Strohschein reported in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

The study of more than 4,700 children started in 1994, while all the families were intact, Strohschein said. They followed the children's progress to see what happened to their families and to see what drugs were prescribed.

"It shows clearly that divorce is a risk factor for kids to be prescribed Ritalin," Strohschein said.

Other studies have shown that children of single parents are more likely to get prescribed drugs such as Ritalin. But is the problem caused by being born to a never-married mother, or some other factor?

"So the question was, 'is it possible that divorce acts a stressful life event that creates adjustment problems for children, which might increase acting out behavior, leading to a prescription for Ritalin?'" Strohschein said in a statement.

"On the other hand, there is also the very public perception that divorce is always bad for kids and so when children of divorce come to the attention of the health-care system -- possibly because parents anticipate their child must be going through adjustment problems -- doctors may be more likely to diagnose a problem and prescribe Ritalin."

Ritalin, known generically as methylphenidate, is a psychostimulant drug most commonly prescribed for the treatment of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder in children.

There is a big debate in much of the developed world over whether it may be over-prescribed -- given to children who do not really need it. In March, a University of California, Berkeley study found that the use of drugs to treat ADHD has more than tripled worldwide since 1993.

Strohschein said it is possible that some mental health problems pre-date the divorce, so "it is possible that these kids had these problems before, but are only being identified afterward."

Her study was not designed to find out why the children were prescribed the drug.

"I might be finished with the survey, but I am not necessarily finished with the question," she said in a telephone interview.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

The Codependent Is Addicted- To The Addict

Reprinted from: http://www.actsweb.org/articles/article.php?i=74&d=1&c=4&p=1

Only in recent years has codependency been recognized as the debilitating sickness it can be. At first, it was identified as a problem in alcoholic families. For example, even after alcoholic husbands dried out, twelve months later, many of their families fell apart. When the caretaking wife no longer had a needy spouse, she felt she wasn't loved anymore because she wasn't needed. What she failed to see was that she had been dependent on his dependency. Her need to be needed was enabling her husband to stay sick. In other words, she was codependent.

Codependency, it is now seen, goes far beyond taking care of an alcoholic. It applies to the caretakers of any over-dependent person–such as drug addicts, work addicts, food addicts, spend addicts, TV addicts, sex addicts, religion addicts, sports addicts, money-making addicts, and to anyone addicted to any kind of compulsive behavior. In fact, latest estimates say that up to ninety-eight percent of us are either over-dependent or codependent to one degree or another.

Second, to resolve their problems, codependents need to admit their sickness and stop blaming others for their unhappiness or the difficulties they have.

Blaming others for their problems is denying their own problem, which is at the heart of most unhappiness. Only as we face the truth, as Jesus put it, will we ever find freedom and happiness.

Third, codependents need to stop trying to change others. They have a compulsion to fix anybody but themselves. Trying to change or fix others only leads to frustration and anger for both parties. The only person we can ever fix or change is our self, and as we change, others around us are forced to change—one way or the other.

Fourth, the codependent needs to come to terms with his or her own problem. While an overdependent person is often addicted to some form of compulsive behavior, the codependent is addicted to the addict. In reality, both are overdependent on each other.

Because codependents need to feel needed in order to feel loved, they suffer from love deprivation, usually from childhood, and have confused feeling needed for feeling loved. This is why many codependents have gone into the helping professions.

In order to feel needed, some codependents will go to any length to keep a needy person dependent on them. They can be loyal to the point of being destructive both to themselves and others.

On the surface, codependency can appear to be very loving, kind and Christian. However, at its core it is a confusion of responsibility. The codependent is so busy taking too much responsibility meeting the needs of others, he neglects taking responsibility for meeting his own needs and facing his own problems.

In so doing, he short-circuits the natural consequences of his loved one's destructive behavior.

Codependents need to allow irresponsible people to face the consequences of their actions, and, if necessary, let them hit bottom. Codependents also need to accept responsibility for themselves and work on their own growth and recovery. One effective ways to do this is to join a twelve-step support or similar group. Here, you can learn to feel loved for whom your are and not for what you do for others.

Most of all, codependents need to trust their life to God—a power greater than their own—and daily ask him to face them with the reality of their problem, help them to see the root cause of it, and lead them to the help they need plus the courage to overcome.

God can make a much better job of our life than we can. Why not trust your life to him today?


Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Can You Change Your Future?

Reprinted from The Daily Encounter http://www.actsweb.org/

Don't Let Your Past Dictate Your Future

It is true that our lives are significantly shaped during our early formative years and many of our character issues formed then are with us for the rest of our lives.

What if we grew up in a home that was less than wholesome or where we may have been emotionally abused if not physically abused? It's interesting to note that where I live physical and sexual abuse of a child is justifiably considered a crime and is punishable by law with the likelihood of being sentenced to time in jail.

Furthermore, if the abuse is by a parent, the child is often removed from his or her custody. Tragically, emotional abuse is not even considered a crime and, depending on the intensity, can be just as, or even more, psychologically damaging as physical or sexual abuse.

As an adult, overcoming the effects of childhood abuse and love deprivation is possible but it can be very challenging. Speaking personally, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and because I felt unloved and rejected, especially by my father, for many years I felt extremely insecure and felt that I was ugly and unlovable. True, I was not responsible for my upbringing, but as an adult I realized that I was responsible for overcoming my less than wholesome background.

Besides having a lot of therapy, one of many significant things I did to resolve the effects of my impaired relationship with my father was to go to his gravesite and in my imagination I "talked to him" as if he were there with me. I said, "Dad, if you were still alive today what advice would you have for me?" The answer that came to my mind was, "Don't let your past control your future."

Good advice. True, I may have been a victim in the past but if I chose to remain a victim I would have become a willing volunteer.

For healthy living and loving relationships it is imperative that we resolve all our past impaired relationships and forgive all who have ever hurt us. We don't have to remain a victim but with God's help, and that of others where necessary, we can overcome a hurtful past and become all that God envisioned for us to be.

The choice is ours. So, whatever you do don't let your past control your future.

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Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Are You Ready To Have A Happy Childhood?

Healing The Inner Child

The Inner Child refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, it is the emotional self-where our feelings live. When we experience joy, sadness, anger, fear, or affection our Child Within is coming out. When we are being playful, spontaneous, creative, intuitive and surrendering to the spiritual self, our Genuine Authentic Self, who we know deep within us, our Real Self is being welcomed and encouraged to be present.

We all have an inner child and the wounds our inner child received can and do continue to contaminate our adult lives. Our parents helped create this Inner Child part of us, society also helped with the creation. When this child self is not allowed to be heard or even acknowledged as being real, a false or co-dependent self emerges. We begin to live our lives as victims.

Then we have situations that arise in our lives which develop into unresolved emotional traumas. The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to and fuel chronic anxiety, fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness through all of our life.

Besides the Inner Child / adolescent part, we have many other selves which are trying to be heard and take control, without us really hearing the voices until we make an effort to do so. Initially, it is very important to tame the Inner Critic part of us. That voice from the past often keeps beating up our Inner Child. This voice invades whatever trauma and pain there was in our childhood.

The wise Nurturing Self part of us can learn to stand as a protector self for the Inner Child. It’s the job of the Nurturer to be loving and self-affirming. This part of us can also teach the Inner Critic a new job of support instead of beating the Child self up, and can love the Inner Critic so that the Inner Child self can relax and not have to work so hard.

This is often where the internal battle begins. The Inner Critic has been keeping the Inner Child muffled and secluded. Often, it is a case of transforming the Inner Critic to be a good internal parent, beginning to listen to the Inner Child and to allow it to have fun and be heard.

Denial of the Inner Child and the co-dependent self are particularly common among children and adults who grew up in troubled or dysfunctional families. This is where chronic physical mental illness, rigidity, frigidity or lack of nurturing is common. Yet, there is a way out. There is a way to discover and to heal our Inner Child / adolescent part and to break free of the bondage and suffering of our co-dependent or false self.

This is called self-nurturing or re-parenting which allows us to reclaim that wounded child. We can provide for ourselves all the love and support and positive regard we never had and grow up again. It’s the easiest thing in the world to turn our feelings inwards and connect directly with that part of us that can offer comfort and support.

It is not the past as such that effects us – it is our images of it. By re-parenting or reclaiming that wounded child, we uncover any conscious or unconscious mythology of ourselves and begin to re-evaluate and transform it.

Linear time does not apply when we work internally and with the unconscious. It is possible to bring our present wise and loving self, to meet and help our young Inner Child and offer comfort and support and find a new joy and energy in living. This process to discover and heal our Inner Child can be quite astounding.

Through guidance, understanding and love we can learn to know how to form healthy and loving relationships by learning to love ourselves primarily. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally, we have dysfunctional relationships externally. Loving ourselves is about unconditional love which means no judgement and no shame.

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Examples of some of the parts of the Child you might find inside are:

The Abandoned Child

This child part that has been left in some way through divorce or adoption or just left because the parents were kept busy working. This part is always fearful that it will be abandoned again and again. This part of the self is starving for extra attention and reassurance that it is safe and wanted.
This self is very lonely.

The Neglected Child

The child self that was always left alone without much nurturing and love.
It doesn’t believe it is lovable or worthwhile. It finds it difficult to express and doesn’t know how to love.
It is depressed and wants to hide and cry.

The Playful Child

That self that is naturally playful, creative, spontaneous and fun, the loving child. This part longs to play. Many of us have forgotten how to do this and be free without guilt or anxiety because as adults we must be doing something that is `worthwhile`.

The Spoiled Child

That part of us who wants what it wants and it wants it now, and if it doesn’t get what it wants, it throws a temper tantrum.

The Fearful Child

This part has been overly criticised when young. Now it is anxious and in panic much of the time. It needs lots of encouragement and positive affirmations.

The Disconnected Child

This Inner Child part which never learns to be close to anyone. It is isolated and dissociated. Intimacy feels alien and scary. Trust is a basic issue.

The Discounted Child

This is a part of the self that was ignored and treated as though it did not exist. It feels invisible. It doesn’t believe in itself and needs lots of love to assist and support it.

These are all possibilities of the different Inner Child parts that might be inside us and they need support which will allow us to embark on a journey of profound healing, indeed Inner Child work is fundamental to healing!

NOW is the best time to do it.

"it is never to late to have a happy childhood".

excerpted from; http://elevatedtherapy.org.uk/index-page5.html

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Children of Alcoholics: Important Facts

Selected excerpts from:

http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/COAFacts.html

Seventy six million Americans, about 43% of the U.S. adult population, have been exposed to alcoholism in the family.

Almost one in five adult Americans (18%) lived with an alcoholic while growing up.

Roughly one in eight American adult drinkers is alcoholic or experiences problems due to the use of alcohol. The cost to society is estimated at in excess of $166 billion each year.

There are an estimated 26.8 million COAs in the United States. Preliminary research suggests that over 11 million are under the age of 18.

Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than non-COAs to develop alcoholism.

Genetic factors play a major role in the development of alcoholism. There is an expanding base of literature which strongly supports a heritable basis for alcoholism and a range of family influences that may direct the development of children of alcoholics.

Family interaction patterns also may influence the COA's risk for alcohol abuse. It has been found that families with an alcoholic parent displayed more negative family interaction during problem-solving discussions than in non-alcoholic families.

Almost one-third of any sample of alcoholics has at least one parent who also was or is an alcoholic.

Children of alcoholics are more likely than non-COAs to marry into families in which alcoholism is prevalent.

Parental alcoholism influences adolescent substance use through several different pathways including stress, negative affect and decreased parental monitoring. Negative affect and impaired parental monitoring are associated with adolescent's joining in a peer network that supports drug use behavior.


Source: SAMHSA's National Clearinghouse for Drug and Alcohol Information


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