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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Inner Child

Special thanks to Anonymous for sharing this:

What is the inner child?

I guess I think of it as the real me- how I really feel deep inside.

Because I have learned to negate my feelings, sometimes how I feel is initially a mystery to me. But the feelings are there if I want to tap into them.

I just stop and ask myself "How do you really feel?" or "What do you really want?" or "Does that feel right?". I take a minute, or longer, to reflect. Often I get an answer right away. Other times, it takes longer. I give myself permission not to answer at all but this is usually not the case.

I think practice has made me more proficient and cut down the time it takes to know what I feel. I think that in the past I knew what I "felt" but let other things cloud it. I let fear, shame and guilt interfere with the normal process.

I talk to my inner child anytime, all the time, whenever. He always hears me.

I used to cry for "no apparent reason". But there is a reason. A big, important reason. I respect that even if I don't immediately understand it. And I am still coming to grips with the sadness. A sadness so intense and overwhelming that, as a child, I had to erase and deny it's very existence.

I don't minimize those feelings anymore. They are there for a reason. Accepting that has helped me to explore and understand them.

Good luck.

A

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear C--Thank you for posting this. I'm struggling with my inner child because he remains so angry after all these years. He's angry because he didn't get the childhood he deserved due my parents' alcoholism and the dysfunctional, abusive home in which I was raised. Unfortunately, when I'm angry about my childhood and what I lost, I obsess since that 's what I developed as a teenager to cope with the insanity and anger I was unable to express due to the fear it would set-off my parents. I need to come to grips with this, accept that I can't change what has happened, and appreciate the fact that I didn't repeat the cycle by raising my wonderful boys in a loving, functional home.

The anger resurfaced when my oldest went away to college and that milestone caused me to subconsciously reflect and ruminate on what I was denied yet found so easy to provide, being a loving father who was always there to provide comfort, guidance, love and support. My inner child needs to take solace in what I've accomplished as an adult, and capture some of what was lost by experiencing a normal childhood through my boys.

My inner child is trying to recover, but the wounds run deep and the scars remain.

Anonymous said...

I'm finding that my inner child is at war with my adult side at times. In some ways I respect my dad a great deal, the way he is struggling with health issues and not giving up, for example. I told him while he was in the hospital recently that he was an inspiration. My inner child gets angry because he's also been a tremendous disappointment in so many ways and I get mad at myself for giving him some platitudes that the child doesn't feel he deserves. When I'm in my adult mode, I'm fine. Its when the inner child gets upset and angry, I struggle. I've said all I need to say to him. I love him, but have no respect for him due to his failure to recognize his alcoholism and do something about it. Its quite a conflict that I struggle with at times. Any suggestions re how to reconcile the anger towards my dad with the love I still have for him?

Cal said...

You Said:

"I'm finding that my inner child is at war with my adult side at times. In some ways I respect my dad a great deal, the way he is struggling with health issues and not giving up, for example. I told him while he was in the hospital recently that he was an inspiration. My inner child gets angry because he's also been a tremendous disappointment in so many ways and I get mad at myself for giving him some platitudes that the child doesn't feel he deserves. When I'm in my adult mode, I'm fine. Its when the inner child gets upset and angry, I struggle. I've said all I need to say to him. I love him, but have no respect for him due to his failure to recognize his alcoholism and do something about it. Its quite a conflict that I struggle with at times. Any suggestions re how to reconcile the anger towards my dad with the love I still have for him?"


Thank you for sharing.

Sounds like your inner child might feel out of control and fearful.

I know that as long as my child requires changes from outside, I experience conflict.

I struggle with acceptance in my own life and am certainly no expert on how to accomplish it. But I know if I I look outside myself for peace and serenity, I will not find it.

Only I can do this for myself- it has to come from inside me.

J said...

Thanks for this post. I too cry for what seems to be no apparent reason. I know there is a reason but I never seem to be able to put a label to it. Just great sadness.