Tuesday, December 23, 2008

When Life Hurts

When the hurts received from others
reaches a point where people actually
react to them, an amazingly curious thing
happens: they reveal what/who is most
loved, prized or precious to them:

it will be the thing/person they turn
against and take it out on.

As a child it might manifest as tearing
legs, arms and head off most fav doll, or
trashing a prize airplane model, or
maiming or hurting a beloved pet; in
adulthood it might be destroying a loved
tool or appliance, attack & hurt the loved
one, or push the loved one away harder and
harder, or run as far away as possible.

They attack, destroy, damage, maim, hurt
or leave exactly those things or people
most precious & loved to them.

Only later, when all the demolition and
carnage is done, do they take stock and
fully come to realize, not just what
they've done, but what they've lost.

And this has been known for ages -
there's a song about it that people have
known for years: "You always hurt the one
you love".

And the pain will grow, and the hurt will
grow, and the guilt will grow, and the
self-hatred, self-loathing and self-disgust
will grow.

And rage will build. This is the point at
which healing/recovery can begin -
because that is when people are ready - or
can be.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children


Faith said...

I don't think this is a very good idea to have about the abuse you receive in an alcoholic family. It's almost like say 'I only hit you because I love you'. What?!

Anonymous said...

The "I only abuse you because I love you" message seems to be a common one in dysfunctional families.

I think the point was to explain the mechanics of dysfunctional behavior and how it manifests, not to endorse abusive behavior.

It's true that, as humans, we are more likely to hurt those closest to us than those at a distance, at one point or another. It's how we handle the aftermath that makes the difference. Do we pull away only to allow this pattern to repeat or do we learn from it, face our pain and use it as an opportunity to heal?