Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"No" Is A Complete Sentence

Struggling To Keep Everyone Happy

I heard it said the other day, "'no' is a complete sentence". The point being that you do not have to explain or make others understand why you can't or don't want to do something. Often, codependency dictates that we make it alright and try to soothe disappointed feelings when we cannot live up to others' expectations.

In fact, "emotional vampires" may use our willingness to please to take advantage of us. They seek to have power and control over us. And as soon as we feel the need to explain, they have it. Saying "no" and just "no" can be difficult and stressful for people pleasers. We hate the thought of hurting other people's feelings or letting them down. But true friends will understand and those who don't are not worthy of our friendship.

Adult Children Of Alcoholics may fear the awkward silence after we have just given a negative response and be tempted to fill it with explanations and regrets. But if we just let it be, things will be ok.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children


LearningByReading said...

Struggling to keep everyone happy seems to be such a monumental struggle drunk or sober. Thank you for your honest helpful blog!

Anonymous said...

Excellent article. Being brought up by two people pleasers who both hated doing it and did it anyway it sure is difficult to deal with. My dad would please and please and please and then rage at us or someone close and occasionally at who he was attempting to please. My mom did the same and then sunk into depression over unmet needs brought about by the pleasing. Its easy to analyze and more difficult to change.