Manipulative and Coercive Psychology: Rules of Order in Crazy-Making Families by Rodger ...

Manipulative and Coercive Psychology: Rules of Order in Crazy-Making Families by Rodger ...: "Initially trained more than 30 years ago to be a cult deprogrammer, I have been struck again and again since being trained in family therapy..."

Eye opening post about dysfunctional family dynamics, their symptoms and affects: Role Reversal, Phony Communication, Boundary Jumping and Victimization amongst others.

"In Miller's and Black's view, the children of dysfunctional, crazing-making families are viewed as chattel or possessions who exist to serve the emotional, narcissistic needs of parents who were themselves denied rights to their own thoughts and feelings. The dynamics of possession of children as objects rather than people has been normalized over the course of generations. No one in the crazy-making family sees this to be the case, of course..."

There's more at the link above.

Meditation, Relaxation And Stress Reduction

Click Here For The Free Meditation Download- First Step (guided Meditation)- Gary Guthrie

Whether you are seeking "through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with God" or just need to relax, this guided meditation is currently available as a free download from Amazon.com. It is called "First Step" but for Adult Children Of Alcoholics it helps work Step 11.

A soothing female voice guides through relaxing your body and mind. It is 26 minutes long but you may find yourself in a different frame of mind after just a few minutes! You can download it to your computer and MP3 player and have it with you wherever you go.

Here's to staying grounded, centered, focused and relaxed. May only be available for a limited time.

Click Here For The Free Meditation Download- First Step (guided Meditation)- Gary Guthrie

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Female ACOAs At Higher Risk

According to a recent US News & World Report, having an alcoholic parent, especially a mother, is more difficult for girls. A Yale University study found female adult children of alcoholic mothers at higher risk of developing psychiatric illness later in life than their male counterparts.

Study author Peter T. Morgan, an associate professor of psychiatry at Yale, said, "The key, new finding of this work is that the effect parental alcoholism has on children is different depending on the gender of the alcoholic parent and the gender of the child."

While all parental dysfunction has an effect on children of either gender, when it is specifically between a mother and daughter it seems to be even more damaging.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Digging Deeper- The Child Within

Have you ever experienced intense feelings yet could not identify their source? Many Adult Children of Alcoholics have trouble knowing not only what they feel but WHY they feel certain emotions.

The answer may lie in your past. A current situation that triggers a powerful reaction most likely is tied to an old feeling. This feeling may have become almost like an instinct. It has become ingrained, like a reaction that happens without much thought.

Take anger for example. There are certain times when it is appropriate but often it is used as a defense. It is a SECONDARY emotion that is protecting something else. Many people get stuck in angry reactions because they are unable to identify the primary feeling- hurt, shame, fear, etc., that underlies the anger. So the the angry person continues being reactively angry and the true issue never gets resolved.

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-"It may help to think of yourself as a child"-

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The "Digging Deeper" exercise can help identify and manage emotional reactions in a more constructive way. As you continue to practice this exercise it will get easier and faster. There are five steps:

1. Think about what happened just before you felt angry. Did someone do or say something offensive? Did something remind you of a similar situation?

2. Identify the root of the anger- the primary feeling. This can be difficult because of the habit of reacting defensively and the tendency to our ignore the importance of our true feelings. It may help to think of yourself as a child. Picture him or her in your mind and try to feel what he or she is feeling. Are they sad, hurt, fearful, feeling guilty or shamed? You may need to meditate on this for a bit before you "get" the feeling.

3. Ask yourself when you have felt this way before. You may get a vague recollection or a very clear image of past situations in which you felt this way. There may be very old memories that reveal a repeating pattern.

4. How did you respond back then? Did you hold everything inside until you wanted to explode? Did you lash out, feel victimized, isolate, get sad or depressed? Is this the same way you are acting now?

5. Ask yourself what you really need right now. Asking for what we really want can be hard for ACOAs. Feel free to begin by verbalizing the sentence, "What I really need right now is_______________". It could be "to be listened to and understood" or "I need some reassurance" or "I need to know that I'm not alone".

Recognizing a need is the first step to becoming your own loving parent. The fact that your inner child's need was simply acknowledged helps him or her feel better.

After a while, you may begin to experience a sense of relief and an increased ability to communicate your feelings and needs. You may begin to feel closer to those around you. You will probably experience greater success getting your needs met and increased intimacy.

A side benefit of being empathetic with yourself is that you will begin to show more empathy and understanding for others. Don't be surprised if you discover others acting differently towards you as they respond to your increased warmth and understanding.

Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children

Roy's Story

This is Roy's story as told by Roy himself. It's the story of one man's experience as an ACOA growing up in a dysfunctional family. It's as inspiring as it is courageous.

Roy shares his difficulties and pain without judging or blaming. Just matter of fact sharing in the hopes that it may help other Adult Children Of Alcoholics.

I don't know if Roy will ever read this but I want to thank him for his powerful share and for posting this video.



Check out the Orange County ACA website at: Orange County Adult Children